Jungle Jim came slowly awake to the idyllic sounds of the men discussing the lineup for their fantasy reality show "Animal Smackdown!"
"What about a Grizzly bear and a wolverine?"
"Weeeeelll, I guess that'd be alright. Though, it is a bit tired, really. They're always chucking wolverines and Grizzlies into the same forest and seeing what would happen. I think we need something a bit spicier."
Another voice chimed in. "How about wolverines and Hikers!"
Jim sighed; Violent Vic really hated those hikers. Ever since the accident with his mother.... Luckily cooler heads prevailed.
"How about Wolverines and a Great White Shark!"
There was a pause as the men (and Jim for that matter) envisioned it. Truth be told, some of the men who were more on the "Ancient Ruins" and "Deciphering Hieroglyphs" side of exploring weren't all that familiar with the world's fauna and were envisioning some sort of land battle. Zoologist Zach set them straight.
"No No. You can't go pitching land animals versus sea animals. "
"Alright, how about a shark that could breathe underwater?"
Zach sighed.
Jim thought that Zach was a good man but sometimes a little impatient. That was a good idea! He knew that they'd figure it out. Jim rolled out of plush feather hammock and went on the deck of his bunglow.
High in the canopy of the undisclosed jungle that was the home of Camp Discovery! Jungle Jim, second in command of Her Majesty's Most Faithful and Daring Exploration Association, leaned over the balcony of his arboreal home and brooded over the fate of his men. His flinty blue eyes, normally so piercing, deepened to a rich and troubled azure. At least, he thought it was azure, the light on the mirror he had mounted on his balcony was a bit dodgy so they might have been ultramarine. He wasn't sure. He leaned closer for a moment and then got back to the task at hand.
There was some hard news to deliver to the men and he'd been up much of the night thinking of ways to turn it around. He knew that it was critical to keep morale up at all times. He bitterly remembered the Affair of the Kinkajou. That would never happen again. But First! He needed some coffee. Jim stepped into the Khaki bunny slippers his men had thoughtfully given him for his birthday and made his way across the rope bridge that connected his bungalow to the mess hall. Jim went in and stopped at the sight of the cook.
"Hey cook. You alright?"
"Da" the cook grunted.
"What are you doing?"
"Watching food channel. I like food."
"In your underwear?"
"I like food a lot."
"Why are your hands down your underwear?"
"Is cold. You want I should make you some toast?"
"No that's cool. I'll just get some coffee."
Shaken, Jim got his Joe and made his way back to his bungalow, where he took a few breaths. The cook was not a pretty man. Jim gulped down his coffee and threw open the doors of his wardrobe to a shimmering wall of Khaki. He knew that when he spoke to his men, it was critical to look his best. He carefully selected his attire and gave especially attention to blousing his pants over the boots that embraced his powerful calves. Finally he chose his hat. The pith helmet might have been more commanding but the slouch hat was more blue collar. He wanted to try and get down on the men's level. And besides, it set of his rubenesque jawline.* He gave himself a once-over in his full-length mirror and as was his custom, blew a kiss at the mirror.
"What about a Grizzly bear and a wolverine?"
"Weeeeelll, I guess that'd be alright. Though, it is a bit tired, really. They're always chucking wolverines and Grizzlies into the same forest and seeing what would happen. I think we need something a bit spicier."
Another voice chimed in. "How about wolverines and Hikers!"
Jim sighed; Violent Vic really hated those hikers. Ever since the accident with his mother.... Luckily cooler heads prevailed.
"How about Wolverines and a Great White Shark!"
There was a pause as the men (and Jim for that matter) envisioned it. Truth be told, some of the men who were more on the "Ancient Ruins" and "Deciphering Hieroglyphs" side of exploring weren't all that familiar with the world's fauna and were envisioning some sort of land battle. Zoologist Zach set them straight.
"No No. You can't go pitching land animals versus sea animals. "
"Alright, how about a shark that could breathe underwater?"
Zach sighed.
Jim thought that Zach was a good man but sometimes a little impatient. That was a good idea! He knew that they'd figure it out. Jim rolled out of plush feather hammock and went on the deck of his bunglow.
High in the canopy of the undisclosed jungle that was the home of Camp Discovery! Jungle Jim, second in command of Her Majesty's Most Faithful and Daring Exploration Association, leaned over the balcony of his arboreal home and brooded over the fate of his men. His flinty blue eyes, normally so piercing, deepened to a rich and troubled azure. At least, he thought it was azure, the light on the mirror he had mounted on his balcony was a bit dodgy so they might have been ultramarine. He wasn't sure. He leaned closer for a moment and then got back to the task at hand.
There was some hard news to deliver to the men and he'd been up much of the night thinking of ways to turn it around. He knew that it was critical to keep morale up at all times. He bitterly remembered the Affair of the Kinkajou. That would never happen again. But First! He needed some coffee. Jim stepped into the Khaki bunny slippers his men had thoughtfully given him for his birthday and made his way across the rope bridge that connected his bungalow to the mess hall. Jim went in and stopped at the sight of the cook.
"Hey cook. You alright?"
"Da" the cook grunted.
"What are you doing?"
"Watching food channel. I like food."
"In your underwear?"
"I like food a lot."
"Why are your hands down your underwear?"
"Is cold. You want I should make you some toast?"
"No that's cool. I'll just get some coffee."
Shaken, Jim got his Joe and made his way back to his bungalow, where he took a few breaths. The cook was not a pretty man. Jim gulped down his coffee and threw open the doors of his wardrobe to a shimmering wall of Khaki. He knew that when he spoke to his men, it was critical to look his best. He carefully selected his attire and gave especially attention to blousing his pants over the boots that embraced his powerful calves. Finally he chose his hat. The pith helmet might have been more commanding but the slouch hat was more blue collar. He wanted to try and get down on the men's level. And besides, it set of his rubenesque jawline.* He gave himself a once-over in his full-length mirror and as was his custom, blew a kiss at the mirror.
"Who loves you baby?"
With that, Jungle Jim leapt off of his balcony in a powerful swan dive, grabbing hold of a vine and swinging down to the conference deck of Camp Discovery!
*Jim was not exactly sure what rubenesque meant. At one point the cook had been watching some exercise show and was going on about rubenesque something or other. When Jim looked up at the television, he saw rock-hard (though obviously some kind of soapstone rock compared to volcano forged granite of Jim's physique) aerobics instructor. The whole man was almost as handsome and rock hard as Jim's jawline. And so.....
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